愛❤

wordsnquotes:

“Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.”

—

Charlie Chaplin 

in a letter to his daughter, Geraldine 

(Source: wnq-movies.com)

Today is the last day of 2015. So much has happened this year. I honestly do not know where to begin. The later half of this year has been the hardest, toughest time of my entire life. I lost the biggest part of my life. I had made a huge mistake in the past, and unfortunately for me, I could not fix it. I have learned from it. I’ve tried sooooooooo hard and my best to fix it. I really, honestly, have. I know he tried very, very, very, hard, too. But in the end, I couldn’t make him stay. I really wish I could, but I know he’s been so unhappy while he was with me. I’ve really, honestly, learned that if you truly love someone, you just want them to be happy. Even if it’s not with you. I would do and give anything and everything to be able to make him happy and smile. I really wish I could. Nearly every night, I’ve been crying myself to sleep from missing him sooooooooo dearly. Then, I would wake up crying from missing him sooooooooo much. It honestly, seriously, does not get easier, only harder and more painful. But I know as long as he’s happy and smiling, all of this pain is worth it. He’s worth it. I miss him more and more as each day passes. I love him more and more as each day passes. I always, always, always, will. The most important thing to me is that he is happy, smiling, safe, and warm. I cannot stress that enough. I remember how last New Year’s Eve, we went to go get apple cider and plastic champagne glasses for the countdown to new year. I wish I could start the new year with him more than anything in the entire world. I wish I could start all over with him more than anything in the entire world. I will never, ever, give up on us. I will never, ever, give up on the Love of My Life. My Best Friend. My Carl. My Baby Bear. My Monkey. I just hope he has a wonderful new year filled with happiness, laugher, smiles. But just as important; good health. He means honestly, seriously, the absolute entire universe to me. If I have been replaced (which, honestly, I’m sure I have been), and he is starting the new year with someone new, I hope she is taking good care of him. She is soooooooooooo very, very, very, lucky and fortunate. I would honestly, seriously, do and give anything and everything to be able to make him happy, laugh, smile, and take care of him. No one will ever understand. I love and miss the Love of My Life soooooooooo very, very, very, dearly, and I always, always, always, will. 

I couldn’t sleep very well. I woke up crying from missing him sooooooo dearly. I miss him soooooooooo much. It hurts sooooooooo badly. I cannot describe how much I love him and miss him. I honestly, seriously, cannot. I hope he’s happy, smiling, staying safe, and warm. Oh, words honestly, seriously, cannot describe how important he is to me. I love him and miss him honestly, seriously, more than anything and everything else in the entirety of this world. Even though I know I’m already given up on, I will never, ever, give up on us. I love him and miss him soooooooo very, very, very, much… :’(

It’s been a month since my birthday has past and over four months since his birthday has past. I will always wish and hope to be able to spend our birthdays together like how we used to. I will never, ever, give up on us. Regardless of how he feels about me now, I just hope he’s happy, smiling, safe, and warm. As always. That will always be what’s most important to me. I will never, ever, give up on him. I will never, ever, give up on someone who I would do anything and everything for. I love him and miss him with honestly, seriously, every single ounce of my being.

There’s just so much I want to tell him. I just wish I could. I wish I could talk to him like how we used to. I would honestly, seriously, do and give anything and everything for that. I just hope he’s happy, smiling, staying safe, and warm. It’s been sooooooo cold. I miss his warmth sooooooooo much. I miss him so much. I wish I could find the words to describe how much I love him and miss him. I wish I could find the words to describe how much he means to me. He means the absolute entire world to me and I will not give up on him. I love him and miss him sooooooooo dearly… :’(

Honestly, I have not been able to stop crying from missing him sooooo dearly. I miss our Sundays together soooooooo much. I miss being able to hold his soft hand while driving. I miss being able to hear him sing while we’re driving. I miss being able to hear his lovely voice while we talk. I miss being able to hear his adorable laugh while we make jokes. I miss being able to see his wonderful smile. I miss honestly, seriously, every single thing about him. Honestly, I know I’m already given up on and probably even replaced by now, but I will never, ever, give up on him. On us. I will never, ever, replace him. He’s my Best Friend. He’s my Baby Bear. He’s my Carl. He always will be. 

He honestly, seriously, is in every single one of my thoughts. I miss him and love him oh soooooooooo very, very, very, dearly. I honestly, seriously, cannot put into words how much I miss him and love him. I hope he had a lovely Christmas this year. I just wish I was able to spend it with him. As always, I hope he’s happy, smiling, safe, and warm. I dropped my phone off to see if they could get the pictures back. I only care about the pictures of him and I. They opened it up, but unfortunately for me, they still couldn’t fix it. I could not stop crying. I already cannot have him anymore, and now I don’t have the pictures of him and I… :’(

There’s honestly, seriously, nothing that I want more than to be able to be by his side. I miss talking to him soooooooo much. I miss hearing his lovely voice. I miss hearing his adorable laugh. I miss seeing his cute smile. I miss being able to hold his soft hand. There’s honestly, seriously, nothing that I wouldn’t do and give to be able to be with the one person I love and miss most in the entirety of this world. I wish I could spend Christmas with him. He is honestly, seriously, all I want for Christmas (and every day, as well). But regardless of what I want and feel, the most important thing for me is that he’s happy, smiling, safe, and warm. Even though I couldn’t spend Christmas with him this year, I hope he’s having a lovely Christmas by spending time with his friends and family. I hope they are all taking good care of him and keeping him safe. They are all so very, very, very, lucky and fortunate to be able to spend it with him. I just wish I was, too. I hope he had a safe and wonderful Christmas this year, filled with laugher and smiles. I love him and miss him more than words can even describe… :’(